did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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