I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
