I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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