Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
