im drinking this country out of the recession.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
