I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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