it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
