I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
