so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
