She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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