So drunk its hurt
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
