Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
