For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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