ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
smell my finger.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
