i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
