A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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