I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I did not marry a roomba.
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