You just made me feel so damn special
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
