While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
