I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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