weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
