Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
