How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
