Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
