Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You took a bar mat shot.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Randomize
