Ambien. No doubt about it.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
