The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
