we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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