ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
