girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
