if i can run in heels then i can drive
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
