I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
