i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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