I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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