we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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