I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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