she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Two words: nipple clamps
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