90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
