I feel great
I just peed on a car
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
