He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
