So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
