Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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