Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
