wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
