did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
