wat bout pragnant strippers??
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
