im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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