Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
