youre lurking in front of me
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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