By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
